Alright, I've been thinking about all the people I've been involved with in my whole life. First guys, then girls, now genius Aliens.. just kidding, let's leave it in girls.. hehe.. umm yes, anyway, I realized that all these people I've been involved with marked the person I am today. First this guy who kinda broke my heart a little by telling me that he didn't want a relationship.. ok.. let's recapitulate, from the beginning, he was the first guy I ever dated, I was 17 years old, he treated me like a princess, and was the first guy I got involved with sexually.. I am a goldstar, I never slept with him - thank God - but we did get to second base, so yeah, I was never in love but I was, indeed, expecting a serious relationship... I'm not a slut - when it comes to guys ;) nee I am not in a general basis - but he decided to keep things casual, of course I walked away. The second guy was just weird, but sweet..I don't even remember quite well 'cause we dated very shortly, I still remember though that I dumped him for someone else.. oh gosh hahahah I'm having too many flashbacks, by then I was 18 already. The third guy was very handsome and such a "gentleman".. NOT REALLY, that was just his persona.. Ok we dated for like 2 months or something, we got along quite well, I really liked him, and I thought that he really liked me too, no kissing though, mhm, in the whole 2 months no kissing! But then New Years party came aaaand we got wasted, we kissed, made out.. Next day no call.. A week later, still no call..like forreals?! Some girls are the same so.. Anyway, I got really mad but then I met this wonderful guy who I crushed for 2 years, there was flirting but anything happened ever. I decided to move on and see what happens next - drumroll, please - I met a girl, at school, YES, I was about to turn 20.. She was freaking gorgeous! She flirted, I fell and we became girlfriends, long story short, she went back to her hometown, Spain (yes, a freaking continent away), we tried to make things work but no, never works, soo I cried, and I suffered for 4 or 5 months more less, then all of a sudden I started meeting more girls, well.. not all of a sudden, I started going to gay clubs hehe.. but yes, indeed, SUDDENLY, I started dating girls, lots of girls! Good things happened, bad things happened.. 'til I met this one girl who, a month later, made me her girlfriend. It's been my longest relationship so far, 11 months.. I still can't believe how on Earth I took that step with her.. oh well.. as I always say..
Now, now.. I'm not being mean, just honest hehe.. anyway we broke up and I started dating this other girl.. what can I say about this girl.. she's fantastic! We used to blow each others mind, but then some shit happened, my first crazy-ass girlfriend dragged me out of the closet with my family and she screwed everything up! Obviously too much pressure was happening to me at the time so I couldn't find a way to maintain a healthy relationship so I decided to break up, oh how I suffered.. and that's how the mess started! I fell in love with my best lesbian friend, then I got over her.. like 3 months later.. it was not love, it was just a SERIOUS crush, to be honest.. then I met 2 american girls, I slept with one of them, then I figured out that I liked her friend even more so.. I slept with her friend and this time, forreals, I fell in love with her.. but of course she went back to her hometown, then, one more time, moved to London (again, a continent away).. meh the story of my life! I used to think that she was the one, now I just think of her as an impossible love, we became very good friends though and I like that, a lot. It took me 4 months to get over her. I finally did it, and I met another girl, which you already now a bit about her, the one with the girlfriend.. and now.. I am madly in love with this amazing girl.. or, may I say.. with this genius Alien? Just kidding.. she's a genius, she's my goat (not literally a goat..) but she's very, very weird.. She knows exactly how to keep me there and that scares me! I think, actually, that I never been this scared before, I usually have control of the relationship and I have the other person figured out, well, with this one I can't, 'cause she's not complicated.. I mean, I know that she feels for me, but she tend to overthink things and.. I don't know, Im too tired right now to try to figure her out.
And that's my history with relationships so far. Each and every person have left like a piece of them on me that, altogether, make the person that I am today. And I am grateful! Grateful and I feel worthy, and loved.. and I know that I have a great capacity to love someone wholly. The woman that has given me more knowledge of myself is the present one. I never thought that I could be this patient.. that every time I look at her I just.. melt.. I respect her in so many ways even though all I wanna do is grab her, take her to a dark place, kiss her passionately and rip her clothes off. I know her already a little too well and I know now how to react to certain attitudes and that she over appreciates her space. That everytime she's down, or stressed, I'm very happy to know that I said something that made her laugh.. the best part is how I feel.. happy. Relaxed, secure.. sure.. just.. happy. And I could never do anything good enough to thank her for what she's done to me. The only thing that freaks me out is that I want a relationship with her NOW.. and she doesn't.. and she doesn't let me get too close, but I'm sure that I'll find a way.. if she's meant to be with me.. Love.. will never leave us alone.
Love,
Larkin
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